Do you talk or listen more in interaction with the others? Are you usually the one who leads the conversation? Have you ever think how to lead a conversation? Have you ever been in a tedious conversation? Tabikaran Research Group introduces the NLP techniques for controlling and managing the conversation in this article.

Golden points for controlling and managing conversation

You should pay attention to 3 points while having conversation with the others. The first point is that people like to talk more than listen. Secondly, the one who listens more takes control of the conversation. The first point seems obvious and there is no need to explain about it.

But why do we say that someone who listens have the ability to know and understand it? This is a bit complicated and needs explanations to clarify. By understanding the reasons, you will be familiar with the first way of controlling and managing conversations.

Listening and guiding the conversation by the question

Listening and guiding the conversation by the question (the first solution for controlling and managing the conversation)

someone who speaks is a car engine and the listener is like a car driver

If we simulate a conversation to driving, someone who speaks is a car engine. This is the person who is leading the conversation. If the person starts to be quiet, it will be finished. So it can be said that the person who is talking is in the position of the engine. But where is the listener’s place? In this example, the listener is like a car driver. He can sit in his place while moving on his desired path. Every time he wants to change direction, move the steering wheel a bit. Take a look at the example below to make it clearer.

  • Speaker: What we need to do is to bring a new group to the marketing to provide a new program for the new region.
  • Listener: It’s an interesting suggestion. Can you tell me exactly how we can increase the sales of the whole area?
  • Speaker: Yes, of course, you need to … before anything … and so on.

As you see in the example above, the listener can continue to listen as long as the conversation goes according to his desire. At the same time he can change the direction of the conversation by asking a question (like a small move in the car’s steering wheels). As an example, you can ask the same questions like” Does this mean that …?” “What exactly are you saying …?”to change the direction of the conversation as you wish.

Summary of the SpeechesSummary of the Speeches - (The second solution for controlling and managing the conversation)

By doing this, you assure the speaker that you are careful about what he or she saysAnother way for controlling and managing the conversation is to summarize the speaker’s speech. By doing this, you assure the speaker that you are careful about what he or she says. In addition, you are encouraging the speaker to talk about more contents. Of course, in your recommended ways.

In this way, with the summary and conclusion of the speaker’s speech, you can easily determine the direction of the conversation in the desired direction. Look at this example. What I understand about your speech is … Did I understand correctly? In this example, you can fill the blank with any part of the speaker’s speech. You lead him to talk more about that particular topic.

Techniques to finish the conversation

If you want to shorten the speaker speech, you can at least shorten it in two ways instead of telling him not to talk more directly: you can either take absolute silence or speak in contrast to him. Each of these two methods you use will provide a condition for someone to ask a different audience for his speech.

Keep silence

Keep silence

In silence, instead of strengthening and encouraging the speaker, you are leading him to end the conversation

What we mean by silence here is that you must not react to his words at all, and keep silence both verbal and facial expression. According to behaviorists, silence is a kind of black out. Keeping silence is exactly the opposite of the words conclusion technique. In silence, instead of strengthening and encouraging the speaker, you are leading him to end the conversation. That’s why not strengthening and not encouraging are even more frightening than physical punishments.

Disagree

Disagree

Disagreement is another way in which you can lead people to keep silence

Disagreement is another way in which you can lead people to keep silence. This action is also effective against synchronization and communication. At first, you may invite your audience to conflict, but if you spend enough time for continuation, your audience will eventually stop talking and pick someone else to speak.

It is very important for us to find the people who are agree with our point of view. Most of us want to omit the people who are disagree with us.  So being silent and disagreeing with the speech is an effective way to end an unfavorable conversation. Often, if you tell that it is enough, you will make him silent. But if this policy does not work, you can use the disagreement way.

Live NLP to have an enjoyable life

Farshid Pakzat research group

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