Perhaps you’ve seen parents who are proud of their shy kids. Because they consider their child’s shame as politeness. But the truth is that embarrassment is not a sign of politeness. Embarrassment is a matter that have negative effect on your child’s future. So, if you care about the future of your child, you should take action today to resolve it.

What is embarrassment?

What is embarrassment?

Most children feel embarrassed in some different situations, but children who feel this at all times of their life may have long-term complications, such as negative effects on social growth, falling the learning and education, decreasing the self-confidence, and so on…

Shyness and embarrassment are one of the children’s behavioral problems that are apparently not annoying, but the continuation is a behavioral disorder that impedes the development of capabilities, creativity, and child responsibilities.

Shyness and embarrassment are a type of behavioral disorder that should be diagnosed and resolved soon. Because it has deep and lasting negative effects on the child’s individual and social future. This make the child irritated and reduces his self-esteem and causes other behavioral problems.

Why is your baby shyness?

Why is your baby shyness?

Why do children shy? Are these children born with the same characteristics? Shyness is not an inherited or genetic property. That is, the shyness syndrome and the ability of some children to get involved in it doesn’t mean that it is an inherited property such as the color of the eyes and skin.

Obviously, shy children are generally from parents who themselves were shy, but this does not mean that such children inherit shyness through their carrier genes from their parents, but it means that they learn shyness from them.

Shyness and embarrassment in children are acquisitive behavior, and the environment is very important factor in its creation and intensity. However, child psychology research considers a range of factors in this case.

Family patterning

Shyness of the baby is strengthened in the home where the parents are shy. It is natural for adults to be afraid of being in the community, speaking and treating others, and children are trained in the same way, they are patterning from their parents.

Comparing the child with the other children

Parents who consistently compare their child’s behavior and movements with other children and their friends will unwantedly give the child a shyness background. Especially if this comparison is with the children whose child does not have the power for comparing with them. A comparison of children even with his siblings is also dangerous.

Extra expectations from the children

Strict parents who have incorrect expectations from their children should be aware that these behaviors cause their children have less self-confidence and be shy. These children imagine that they are constantly under the magnifying glass and that all the actions and speeches are carefully analyzed.

Fear

Fear

In most cases, it is not easy to diagnose a child’s fear. But the fear of the child in any cases (fear of failure or judgment, or …) affects in the creation and intensity of his shyness. Supportive parents create fears of having new situations in their children’s hearts by their extravagant behaviors.

Past negative experiences

Children who have experienced several failures may choose isolation and distance from the community. Those who are criticized and mocked by family members and friends are shy and can’t have any communication.

Social communications

Children with little family relationship refuse to be in society. Also, parent’s extra concern and care will make the child deprived of playing with friends and reduce his social communication. If the child feels insecure and uneasy in his relationship, he quickly chooses isolation.

Deficiency

The child’s individual deficiencies, such as various disabilities ; and family deficiencies, such as the absence of one of the parents due to death, divorce, etc., parents addiction, poverty, behavioral abnormalities of family members … are one of the most important reasons for the shyness of children.

What are the symptoms of shy children?

What are the symptoms of shy children?

For the treatment of shyness and helping shy children, the most important thing is to ensure that the child has this feature. To achieve this, you must recognize the symptoms. Because, children sometimes act cautiously in dealing with unknowns, which should not be confused with shyness.

The most obvious symptom of a child’s shyness is to being isolated from the people and his unwillingness to communicate with others, especially new people and friends. These children do not have many friends and their number of his playmates is small. Have stress in different levels and don’t like group activities. Physical symptoms such as tongue tie, looking down and less smiling are clearly seen in these children. Also, at a younger age, sucking a finger is also visible.

How to deal with shy children?

How to deal with shy children?

The basis of shy treatment is the change in the way of child’s life and behavior. And this is not possible except by changing the parent’s thoughts, values and beliefs.

The embarrassment in children is a matter that should be solved with the help of parents, because the continuation of this behavior will have a negative effect on the child future life. Problems such as unemployment, addiction, social misbehavior, etc. are directly related to childhood disorders.

We can help the child feel less embarrassed by understanding the causes of this behavior without realizing himself. In this case, as emphasized, the role of parents as educators is very important.

The first step in the treatment process is to accept a shy baby. Accept your child as he is, not as you would expect to be.

Be sure that by giving love to your child, he can believe in himself and overcome his fears. The following are very helpful in this case.

Be good patterns

Children consider their parents as the patterns, so you need to behave in such a way that not to increase the shyness of the child.

Talking to the child

Children often do not know their feelings, use each opportunity to talk about them. Talking about the situations lets your child evaluate new situations. For example, say: “What will happen you think if you play with that boy?”

Strengthening individual abilities

Try to strengthen your child’s confidence in different ways. It is very important to teach your child the age-appropriate skills in strengthening his self- confidence and mood.

Encouragement

Encouragement

Encourage any success he gain in social situations. Make him valuable and admire his every little progress.

Do not label

Do not make the shyness of a child so important, in the other words do not exaggerate. Avoid slandering the child. In front of him, refrain from saying “pardon him, he is a little shy”. Do not talk about his shyness in front of the people. Shy children need more positive judgments than negative ones.

Prepare your children for an unfamiliar environment

Before you bring your child to others, explain him to prepare himself and not be anxious. Protect him in unfamiliar environments and bring him to others, especially children, with kindness and comfort. Of course you shouldn’t force him to communicate with the others.

Do not support his embarrassment

Not registering a child in a sports class because of his shyness make everything worse. You must learn the right communication by making the appropriate relationships with the others. Do not let your child embarrassment make you alone too. Give some responsibilities to him that link him with his society. Like buying something necessary for home.

Playing with the child

Don’t forget to play with your child. Playing with children will be very effective indirect education. Being more friend with your child make him have more self-confidence.

Make new experiences tangible

Make new experiences tangible

For example, before starting the schools, you can go to the school’s yard with your child and spend time together in classes and outdoors to reduce his fear and excitement.

About baby, be with him in new environments and make the children’s relationship warmer and friendly by playing with them. Or, when the child is afraid of communicating with the other children, start a conversation with another child and enter the embarrassed child when the relationship becomes warmer.

Play some roles

Play some roles

Play with your child some roles. Practice speaking and doing the things that is hard for him. Help him do the things like what family members and friends do when they are gathering together. Make him involved.

By knowing these points and trying for doing them, you can protect the child from the damage. Shyness of the child, even if it is an inherent feature, shouldn’t be like an internal barrier which prevent him from achieving his success throughout his life.

Parent’s supporting in identifying the causes and roots of this disorder and accompanying the child in coping with the individual and social effects of this issue will improve the correct behaviors in your child. By educating social skills, which includes the education for having courage, self-confidence and communication skills prepare the motivation for building effective relationships for future growth and prosperity for your children.

Farshid Pakzat research group

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