The first days of the friendship or common life, the relationship between the two people is very warm and intimate. But in many cases, the relationship between the two becomes cold. Sometimes it seems that all the good things that motivate you in life will be replaced by the disagreements and discomforts that may occur in every possible lives.
What is the reason for having cold relationships after passing some times? Why can even small discomforts and disagreements be instead of the pleasure in our minds? Anyway, there are problems in every lives and every relationships. How can we prevent the relationships from being cold after some times? Get the answer of all these questions by reading this article.
What is the reason for having cold relationships?
Usually people do not change a lot in a short time. What changes is our look to the people. Every person has a set of features and some of these features are attractive to us and some may be unpleasant for us.
Our look in the early days of marriage
At the beginning of the relationship we are attracted to our partner’s features that are attractive to us. In fact, other features are in sight, but our mind deletes these features by using mental filters.
That is, in the first days of our friendships or marriage, there is a set of positive and negative features in the other person. We become associated with the features that we see as positive, and become dissociated with the features that are not attractive to us.
Change our look by passing the time
We will see the other one’s unpleasant behaviors more. By repeating the behaviors that are unpleasant for us, these behaviors and feelings made by these behaviors will affect our minds. It makes the effects of our spouse’s or friends’ positive behavior weak in our minds, and the effects of the unpleasant behaviors stronger.
In this case, we usually review unpleasant events in our minds. For example, if our spouse’s or friend’s loud voice is unpleasant for us, we are constantly reviewing the moments they talked to us with their loud voice in the presence of others. This is in such a way that the negative feeling or that part of the incident that is unpleasant to us becomes more prominent in our minds.
What does NLP say about the cause of cold relationships?
NLP believes that we are most affected by the feelings that are associated or close to us. In NLP, the term Aso is used for this. So at the beginning of our marriage or friendship, we are attracted to the positive features of the other one, it means we are Aso with that features. But after a while, we become dissociated with that features, which is said to be disco in NLP.
According to NLP, after some time we become associated with the other one’s negative features. And it always makes us upset. Positive features exist, but they are not so important for us. What we need to do for improving the relationships is to control being dissociated and associated with different emotions.
Until now, we realized that the reason for having cold relationship is that we were dissociated with the feelings we had about the other one’s positive features and we were associated with the feelings we had about the other one’s negative features. While at the beginning of marriage or friendship, it was the opposite.
We have to learn that all our emotions should not be only Aso or Disco. We should be able to control our Aso or Disco emotions. If all our feelings are Aso, every small event will affect us and we will become vulnerable.
On the contrary, if all our emotions are dissociated, we will deprive ourselves of the many pleasures of our lives. Because we are not agreed with that feelings and do not feel close to them. So, by being dissociated, we cannot enjoy many events of life.
What should we do to keep our relationships according to NLP?
We have to learn how to use of being disco for avoiding negative points and have a better life. On the other hand, if we can be associated with the positive feelings, we will enjoy the life more. Suppose a moment in a fight or annoyance, suddenly think about the good events in your early dates. What will happen?
Won’t you be less upset? Isn’t positive feeling made within you? What if you continue to do this? Won’t the desire to continue fighting be decrease within you? As you see, the reason for having cold relationships is related to our minds and the thoughts that exist in our minds.
It is better to ask yourself about your spouse or friend, what is the result of your thoughts in your mind? Where do these thoughts make you reach? Do these thoughts end in more fights or good feelings for having communication? And see if this destination is where you want to reach or not?
You can easily change the conditions by changing the thoughts you have in your mind. So be careful about the situations that you can easily change them into desirable situations. Do not change them into a fight or a crisis in your life and relationships with negative thoughts.
What is NLP’s solution to stop having cold relationships? Being agree or to disagree?
Anyway, undesirable things are made in common life or friendship. It is hard for many not to think about these things. Especially when another unpleasant event has happened, our minds constantly review the previous events and it makes us feel worse.
NLP provides us a way that helps us change the structure of events in our minds. When you use this strategy and change the reminder structure of events, your feelings about that event change, so your behavior which was affected by that feeling changes too.
To use this NLP technique, you need to know that your emotions and memories are made of three components of images, senses and sounds. Each of these 3 components has their own specific features. For example, sounds can be far or near, loud or low. In NLP, these features that define the quality of our emotions are called sub-modality.
Our thoughts and feelings have an undeniable effect on the formation of our lives. So, control them by the help of NLP to have a beautiful life.