How can we try not to flare up against others’ criticism?

Most of us get angry when the other person criticizes or opposes us. We cannot bear others’ objection. If you are the same, you certainly know that such a behavior will get you in trouble especially in making communication with others.

Many of us don’t know how to ignore others’ opposition and try to make them agree. In this paper, we introduce some methods to treat correctly against other’s objection and as well, we present some methods to eliminate their disagreement.

How should we react against others’ opposition?

If we are not able to have a pleasant behavior towards others’ objection, this is probably leads to argument and fight with people and even our relationship may be totally lost. Thus, we should know some methods which help us to control our own behavior and manage the anger or nervousness of the opposite side. For this, you can get help of the following methods:

1- Accepting other’s opposition and using it

Don’t forget that whenever someone disagrees with you, there is a reason beyond it. So, instead of blowing up or rejecting one’s objection, try to get benefit of the reason of this opposition. For this purpose, you can ask some questions from the opponent person to find the reasons.

Please don’t forget not to use the word “why” in your questions. Using this question word leads the opponent person towards the defensive phase. You can change the model of your question.


2- Agreement with the emotions of the other person

Sometimes, it is never possible to admit some objections or disagreements. Because if we do this, we are questioning ourselves and our beliefs. In this condition, instead of accepting the disagreement like the first method, admit one’s emotions and respect them. Then, you can directly and plainly say that you can understand his/her feelings and give right to them.

On one hand, sometimes opposing or objecting to others has a kind of emotional aspect. Therefore, there is no need to discuss with them. You can easily solve the problem besides respecting to their emotions. When you respect other’s feelings and accept him, it doesn’t mean you agree with him/her. So, you can prevent from controversy and discussion via this method.

3- Expressing curiosity and interest

Sometimes, others start to criticize you or oppose you because they want to make you in a defensive situation. In this case, the best way is not to have a defensive situation. For this purpose, you can be curious and show your interest regarding others’ criticism or opposition.

In many cases, this affair will help the other person to modify his criticism or totally retake his criticism. Anyway, expressing interest or curiosity about other’s disagreement or criticism will hamper any discussion and inconvenience.

4- Summarizing the disagreement

This method has the same effect of last method. In this method, you should listen carefully to words or sentences in opposition to you and then state them briefly and ask the other person whether you correctly got what he means or not. By this action, the other person feels that you paid attention to his criticism and/or even he may revise or ignore his own objection.

 Summarizing the disagreement
criticism and disagreement

5- Ask him what you should do to satisfy him

Many times, many criticisms or oppositions can be accurate and constructive. Thus, you can ask the opponent or criticizer what you should do to attract their opinion. This affair can greatly reduce your responsibility.

In this situation, usually the criticizer refers to some points which help to solve the problem. By this method, not only you inhibit conflict and discomfort, but also you take an important step to improve yourself and your work. Moreover, this will better your relations.

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How can we skip through others’ disagreement?

Many people start to discuss with others in order to change others’ opposition. It means the other side poses his own reasons and we state our own reasons constantly. In these conditions, both sides just disagree with each other instead of making a conclusion out of the discussion. In the following, we introduce 3 ways to skip through others’ objection.

1- Tell a story

Instead of trying to eliminate other’s disagreement through logical reasons and arguments, make efforts to mention your idea in form of a story. Using logic and reason will trigger the conscious mind of the other side. But when you use the story, you will affect the unconscious mind or unconscious self of the person and destroy his strength.

The doctors who use hypnosis to treat the patient uses story-telling to decrease the patient’s resistance during hypnosis. Milton H. Erickson, one of the greatest hypnotist in the history, was a professional one in using this method. For this purpose, he quickly took benefit from treatment by hypnosis.

When you tell a story for an audience, you allow that person to imagine himself in the story. When the story’s elements are set well besides each other, this may lead to loss of audience’s resistance, convincing him.

2- Confirmation and insistence

This method is applicable when you ask someone to do something, but he/she is unwilling and disagrees. In this case, first you need to show that you totally understood he is reluctant to do that work. Next, you insist on your request. Probably, many parents are familiar with this procedure. We give an example to clarify the issue. The following instance shows a dialogue:

  • + My son, go and make your room
  • – I’m not on mood now.
  • + I know you’re not on mood, but I ask you now to make your room
  • – I prefer to do it later
  • + I know you prefer to do it later, but I ask you to do it now, not later
Confirmation and insistence

In this method, the important point is that first you confirm the other’s reluctance and disagreement, then, you insist on your own request. The majority of people are submitted after persistence for 5 times. The most resistant people are yielded after 7 time persistence. However, we know that this method is not pleasant. But sometimes this is the only method works.

3- Encounter/ Confrontation

It seems counter is known as the last method. When you suppose the other person should take an action, but he postpones it without any logical reason, you can use this method. Imagine that you have a business offer for a company, but the company constantly defers the time allocation for the meeting.

In this situation, you can give credible data and statistics and then, emphasize the benefits of your suggestion and in the following, mention that any delay in making decision is a kind of offer rejection in your view. However, you should speak with intimacy and peace. In such a condition, please be patient to achieve desirable results.

Although you are looking for result, getting negative result is much better than constantly calling the other person and reach no conclusion. Therefore, it is better to receive the positive or negative result right now. If you behave appropriately, this method can represent your determinacy to the other side, leading to better results.

By the method defined, we hope you can have the best behavior towards others’ criticisms and oppositions, and thus, you will progress more and more in your daily life and get along better with the people around you.

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