Mind reading is when someone think about you according to your behavior or your words. Since this can make a misunderstanding, in this article we will introduce some ways to deal with it.
Have you ever read the mind of someone according to his reactions? Have you ever read someone’s mind by understanding more when he speaks. How much do you like to read others’ mind according to their behavior? Do you usually think that the mind reading has correct results? Do you agree with mind reading? Have you ever thought that you can ask questions instead of mind reading? In the following, you will know what the meaning of mind reading is and what results it has in human relationships and how you deal with it.
What does mind reading mean?
Mind reading is claiming that we are aware of someone’s feelings or thoughts, without having a definite process for obtaining information to achieve the result. In fact, the mind reading is to judge the feelings or thoughts of others without real or extrinsic reasons or for reasons that are not sufficient and are more based on guesses. In most cases, when one reads the minds of others, he thinks he knows what the other person thinks or feels.
The reason for this is sometimes due to indirect receives from the movements of the other party by the unconscious mind. Often this is an absolute imagination or something we think or feel in that situation. We predict our unconscious thoughts and feelings and experience them as if the others had created them. People who read the minds of others feel that they are right, but mind reading can never guarantee such a thing.
Most of the time, it’s possible to prevent the wrong results that can be made by the mind reading and cause problems for individuals relationships. The solution is to ask a question. Do not act according to what you achieve from reading the others mind. Before anything else, ask about your understanding and make sure that it is correct or not. Of course, it’s better not to read minds at all. To be safe from this problem, we need to be familiar with the types of mind reading.
Types of mind reading and the ways to prevent it
In general, there are two types of mind reading. In the first type, the person thinks that he read the mind of the other party, and in the second type, the person expects others to do this. Both situations can destroy the relations and make fighting.
In this case, one thinks he knows what the other person thinks about. What is the solution for preventing this type of mind reading? Look at this example. My friend is upset. I know he did not like the gift I gave him. I’m completely familiar with his feelings, thoughts and beliefs. He was angry, but he did not agree that he was angry.
Carefully, in this example, we find that the speaker has achieved these results when his friend did not accept his gift: 1. His friend is upset. 2. He did not like his gift. 3. He was angry. Can all of these results be achieved by not accepting the gift? Can it be said certainty that these results are correct? Absolutely not.
This type of mind reading happens to most humans. But why do we get involved in this type of mind reading? In order to attribute thought, feelings and beliefs to others, we need good sense evidence. By seeing a series of clues, you find that your friend is upset. But it’s better to say: my friend looks down to his right, does not breathe deeply, his face muscles become weak, the corner of his lips falls down and his shoulders fall. Then ask him the reason.
The second type of mind reading is the reflection of the first type. In this type you make the other one read your mind. This situation most happens when you want to blame him. Look at this example. If you liked me, you knew what I wanted. Cannot you feel me? I’m sad about not paying attention to my feelings. You must know what I like.
The person who uses this pattern does not tell others clearly what he wants. Therefore, it is assumed that others should be aware of everything. In fact, by these sentences, you make the other person read your mind. You expect him to recognize your mind, feeling and thinking based on inadequate evidence. Since this is not possible in most cases, it will make you sad and blame the others.
How can we stop the quarrel in mind reading type 2?
In this case, you have to ask the other party how exactly he understands your feelings. In the example above, you can ask how do you exactly understand that I do not like you? The answer to this question shows that the person has generalized your behavior. It means, by observing a behavior that can be a reason for not liking him, he generalize all your feelings and conclude that you do not like him completely. In this case, you should ask the same question “where do you know exactly…?” Continue and fight with this second type of mind reading.
To find out what kind of questions you should ask, take a look at this example. Why do these foolish people always want to help me? It makes me angrier. I know I should keep calm, but I can’t. What is seen in the above statement are words with absolute bar, unspecified verbs, and uncertain names. These are the things you should ask about them.
Ask questions for stopping mind-reading, but with caution
It might be risky to collect extra data during these questions. Be careful not to enter the person’s privacy by asking these questions. You should ask yourself: Do I really need this information? Even repeated questions can interfere them. You should not be too rude.
Instead of asking: exactly tell me how do you know this? You can say it’s interesting for me to know how you know this or I don’t exactly know how you know this. The conversation should not be like an interrogation. You can ask your questions calmly.
Before we attack the others’ feelings and thoughts, try to get closer to the other person’s thoughts by using the right questions, to do less judges and misunderstandings.
Live NLP to make life enjoyable