If you think that the couples have the duty to make each other happy, you are completely wrong. There are many couples who think that one of their duties in married life is to make the other one happy. There are also some couples who expect their spouse make them happy. In this article, we explain why these expectations and misconceptions are wrong.
What’s happiness at all?
Before saying why making our partner happy is not our duty and why we should not expect the others to make us happy, let’s see what is happiness at all? What if we ask many people about happiness? They say it means that you do not have pain and suffering, do not be depressed, do not have anxiety, do not get sick, and so on.
If you look carefully, all these things tell us what we do not want. When we want to do something, we need to know what we want. But all these things tell us what we do not want. Now according to this definition of happiness, how successful can we be in making our partner happy?
Why is it a mistake to try to make your partner happy?
In the following, there are two reasons why trying to make your partner happy is a mistake.
۱- We are becoming depressed
As we mentioned, most people point to what they don’t want when they talk about happiness. So when we want to try to make someone happy, we’re actually focusing on discomforts and problems. It means that we are thinking about suffering and depression, anxiety and illness. The same thoughts make us sad and depressed. Although we do not directly think about suffering, but this indirectly thinking about these issues affects our minds negatively and makes us depressed.
۲- The criteria of happiness is constantly changing
Now suppose that your partner doesn’t focus on what he doesn’t want when he talks about happiness. In this case, trying to make the partner happy is wrong. Because happiness is basically an ambiguous concept. The people’s criteria and standards in life are constantly changing.
Suppose the air is hot. Your wife will be happy with a cool glass of juice. But she may even be upset if you give her a glass of juice every day repeatedly. So, when the standards and criteria for happiness are constantly changing, you cannot constantly try to make the others happy.
So when we are trying to make our partner happy, we are making ourselves depress unconsciously, or we are trying to meet a set of variable criteria, and our effort may not have the result many times. So we lead ourselves to discouragement.
How to achieve happiness in a married life?
In order to achieve happiness in a married life, you should forget to try for making your partner happy. Instead of trying to make your partner happy, you should pay attention to this very important thing: happiness is not made by doing what we love, but it is made by loving what we do.
You can try to do what you like instead of trying to make your partner happy. But do you think you can always do the things you like? It looks unlikely. So when you cannot do the things you love, you are getting away from happiness.
So you should try to enjoy everything you do. If you are cooking, try to enjoy it. If you are repairing your home furniture or moving, try to enjoy it. If your spouse is sick and you are nursing him, try to enjoy what you do.
Just by enjoying the things we do, we can make a sweet life. So trying to make a partner happy is a mistake. Everyone is responsible for his own happiness and sadness. So believe that we are not responsible for making the others happy, and the others are not responsible for our happiness.