Who do you think is the best person for you to start a married life? Who is your complementary or similar person? We explain about it in this article.
What is thebasis of friendship formation?
It is not strange if a thoughtful, open-minded andintroverted person attracts a social, happy and extroverted person. Also, if a weakperson attracts a strong and calm person is normal. Because he feels secure andstability with him. But a constant and self-controlled person tends to havesomeone like him to share the difficulties of life with him.
Can we start a married life on the basis of thesetendencies? Let’s not forget that many friendships last for a short time. It iscommon for a person to look for someone who completes his shortcomings in an unstablerelationships. But if these relations lead to marriage, can we expect to have adurable married life?
What is thebasis of married life formation?
Perhaps two people attract to each other based on their differencesin friendships, but when they start a married life, their differences will cometogether and the fundamental differences between them will emerge. In thiscase, the differences will lose their attractiveness and become annoying. In a friendshipthe differences are either attractive or at least not annoying because theserelationships are not lasting forever. But when two people have differences(even when these differences complete each other), they must live with differences.Marriage is not a short-lived relationship. Two people living together mustinteract with each other in all situations of life, and these differencesbecome annoying in a permanent relationship.
What happensin a married life when differences appear?
After two people are attracted to each other for differencesand eventually entered into a married life, as we mentioned, after a while thedifferences become annoying. When one of the couple is annoyed because of thedifferences, he/she generalizes this negative feeling to all aspects of theother partner. Even to his/her appearance or other behaviors.
In this situation, even the appearance and attractiveness ofthe woman is annoying and the serious and predictable behavior of a man makesthe woman hates him. The man leaves the woman and the woman feels she has beenrepulsed. The woman furiously tries to regain her previous position, but theman goes away and criticizes. Conflict continues with the same routine. In thisconflict, each of the couples behave in a way that make their friendlinessdisappear. Psychological experiences, as well as clinical observations, showthat these happen in the lives which are made based on differences.
Why does amarried life which is made based on the differences lose its attractiveness?
The oppositions and differences in married life attract eachother for a short time. In the long relationships, the differences becomeannoying. Suppose one of the couple is risky and the other one is conservativeor even a little fearful. Perhaps this opposition is appealing for both at thebeginning of the relationship. But in married life, for example, when they wantto choose an entertainment, their differences and annoyance appear. Imagine oneof the couples chooses bungee jumping for fun, and the other one prefer to walkunder the rain. These differences make it difficult for these two people tolive for a very long time with each other.
How can thesimilarities make a married life enjoyable and durable?
Maybe it’s boring for many to live with someone like themselves.But think that marriage is not for one day or two days. When you are supposedto live with someone for years, these are the similarities that make your lifesweet.
Suppose someone is obsessive about cleanliness. What happensif this person marries a person who is not obsessed? But imagine that theobsessive person start a married life with a similar person. There are manycouples who are both obsessive and clean the house with each other. While otherpeople enjoy walking, boating and …, this couple prefer to clean the houseand really feel satisfied with doing it.
If this couple were not both obsessive, they would have hadgreat problems. When people with many opposite views and different tastes spenda lot of time together, the conflict between them is inevitable. So these arethe similarities that help the married life continue for many years.
Finally, it should be said that although the differencesseem appealing and exciting at first, but they may make problems in continuingmarried life. So you have to look for similarities in order to have a sweetlife. Similarities reduce the fights and problems in married life. However, minordifferences can improve the relations, but the basic differences destroy therelationships. So, follow the similarities to experience a good married life.