Who do you think is the best person for you to start a married life? Who is your complementary or similar person? We explain about it in this article.
What is the basis of friendship formation?
It is not strange if a thoughtful, open-minded and introverted person attracts a social, happy and extroverted person. Also, if a weak person attracts a strong and calm person is normal. Because he feels secure and stability with him. But a constant and self-controlled person tends to have someone like him to share the difficulties of life with him.
Can we start a married life on the basis of these tendencies? Let’s not forget that many friendships last for a short time. It is common for a person to look for someone who completes his shortcomings in an unstable relationships. But if these relations lead to marriage, can we expect to have a durable married life?
What is the basis of married life formation?
Perhaps two people attract to each other based on their differences in friendships, but when they start a married life, their differences will come together and the fundamental differences between them will emerge. In this case, the differences will lose their attractiveness and become annoying. In a friendship the differences are either attractive or at least not annoying because these relationships are not lasting forever. But when two people have differences (even when these differences complete each other), they must live with differences. Marriage is not a short-lived relationship. Two people living together must interact with each other in all situations of life, and these differences become annoying in a permanent relationship.
What happens in a married life when differences appear?
After two people are attracted to each other for differences and eventually entered into a married life, as we mentioned, after a while the differences become annoying. When one of the couple is annoyed because of the differences, he/she generalizes this negative feeling to all aspects of the other partner. Even to his/her appearance or other behaviors.
In this situation, even the appearance and attractiveness of the woman is annoying and the serious and predictable behavior of a man makes the woman hates him. The man leaves the woman and the woman feels she has been repulsed. The woman furiously tries to regain her previous position, but the man goes away and criticizes. Conflict continues with the same routine. In this conflict, each of the couples behave in a way that make their friendliness disappear. Psychological experiences, as well as clinical observations, show that these happen in the lives which are made based on differences.
Why does a married life which is made based on the differences lose its attractiveness?
The oppositions and differences in married life attract each other for a short time. In the long relationships, the differences become annoying. Suppose one of the couple is risky and the other one is conservative or even a little fearful. Perhaps this opposition is appealing for both at the beginning of the relationship. But in married life, for example, when they want to choose an entertainment, their differences and annoyance appear. Imagine one of the couples chooses bungee jumping for fun, and the other one prefer to walk under the rain. These differences make it difficult for these two people to live for a very long time with each other.
How can the similarities make a married life enjoyable and durable?
Maybe it’s boring for many to live with someone like themselves. But think that marriage is not for one day or two days. When you are supposed to live with someone for years, these are the similarities that make your life sweet.
Suppose someone is obsessive about cleanliness. What happens if this person marries a person who is not obsessed? But imagine that the obsessive person start a married life with a similar person. There are many couples who are both obsessive and clean the house with each other. While other people enjoy walking, boating and …, this couple prefer to clean the house and really feel satisfied with doing it.
If this couple were not both obsessive, they would have had great problems. When people with many opposite views and different tastes spend a lot of time together, the conflict between them is inevitable. So these are the similarities that help the married life continue for many years.
Finally, it should be said that although the differences seem appealing and exciting at first, but they may make problems in continuing married life. So you have to look for similarities in order to have a sweet life. Similarities reduce the fights and problems in married life. However, minor differences can improve the relations, but the basic differences destroy the relationships. So, follow the similarities to experience a good married life.